I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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