I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
