apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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