do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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