so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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