i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
