Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
