The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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