Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
