Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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