Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
