Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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