you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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