How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
