what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
