Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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