It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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