It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
