I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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