They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
