i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
