a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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