A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
