I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
