I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
