what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
