You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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