he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
