Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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