I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
