Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
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Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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