I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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