He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
