How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
