guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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