There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
