he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
