her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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