It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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