He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
