Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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