I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize