Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
