HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The power of my boobs compel you
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
