I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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