this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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