I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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