If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
