So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
