Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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