No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Let's paint friendship bongs
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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