sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
