And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
