I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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