I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
