when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
