Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I want a musical about memes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
