Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
