I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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