I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
