it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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