I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
