Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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