Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
