Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
