I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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