I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
