and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
