Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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