dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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