Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
