I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
