If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
