So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
