U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
