my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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