I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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