Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
