I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize