Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
