....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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