All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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