I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
